What price children?

Sometimes infertility cannot be explained and that was the case for us.  For someone who likes to be in control, not having the answer to such a basic question is a nightmare.  When we first got married, we optimistically started trying for children straightaway and, although both of us would probably be defined by the medical profession as geriatric parents, neither of us imagined there would be a problem - well you don't, do you?  But months dragged on and on, failed tests mounted up, and we didn't even have any close calls.

As usual, I was in a rush for answers, as well as for children, but the NHS doesn't like to start doing tests until you've been trying for a while.  So we had some basic tests done privately - providing no answers - then some more done on the NHS - again no answers and then started looked for infertility specialists.  We always knew that tests and preparation would take months, months that we didn't feel we had because of age (and impatience) so we thought our only option was to start off the down the private treatment route.

For the first time, I felt in control of the process because I was able to research success rates, and pick one of the best.  Of course, this feeling of control didn't last long - firstly there was the long wait for the initial consultation - success leads to waiting lists even at private clinics; then the consultant wanted to order more and more tests, so my vision of pregnancy within short period went out of the window again!  One expensive test after another provided no answer until we had to accept that there were no answers - sometimes infertility cannot be explained.

Reading this back, I realise that it seems to all be about the cost of the treatment, which seems rather cold-hearted!  But very few people, particularly those with public sector salaries and London mortgages, can find a spare £1,000 which is what this was already costing us, before we even started any treatment.  So the answer to my title question is - you can't put a price on children, but the cost to us, both financial and emotional was huge.

So we had no answers, but more big questions - the next of which was which treatment to opt for - go head first into the invasive and costly IVF or start with something less invasive but with lower success rates like IUI.  Head, heart and wallet clashed over this one but, given that there was no real reason why we shouldn't get pregnant naturally, the head and wallet won and we started with the first course of IUI.  The good thing about IUI is that it is quite quick - no lengthy preparation with drug regimes over a month or more before the actual treatment, and no long wait for the next attempt if the first one doesn't work.

Which it didn't for us...

Neither did the next one...  

Or the next one....

I remember each month with the testing kit on the prescribed day.  And each disappointment as we tried to put a brave face on it.  Looking back, we were really extraordinarily optimistic in the face of ongoing failure - we never stopped believing that one day, the test would be positive.  But after 3 attempts, and now nearly 6 months since deciding to have some kind of treatment, we needed a bit of a breather.  A long weekend in a boutique hotel; walking in the countryside; eating nice food and drinking nice wine - lovely!